As I prepared to enjoy another blessed day, I actually had a very interesting thought that I couldn’t seem to shake. Which normally means, I have to share it with the universe! So here I am ready to indulge in this great discussion…
- Why do women always seem to be the ones settling for Mr. Right Now and marrying Mr. Wrong.
- Are women so caught up in the idea of being married that they lose sight of waiting until the right person comes along and accept a marriage proposal from just anyone?
- Do women value marriage more than men which causes them to over react at the first sign that someone remains interested in them past 90 days and they start to pursue the concept of marriage before the newness in the relationship wears off?
I know, I know a lot of questions! But I’ll try to tackle them individually the best I can. And keep in mind, I’m not a relationship expert. Nor am I striving to be one. I am simply just sharing my personal experience and the experiences I’ve watched others around me go through.
- Why do women always seem to be the ones settling for Mr. Right Now and marrying Mr. Wrong?
Unfortunately being the bearer of child(ren), a lot of women get caught up in wanting to reach their maternal status and have children at a certain age. Traditional women also want to be married prior to having the child causing them to settle on marrying someone who may not actually be their ‘soulmate’ but more of just a ‘sperm donor’.
It’s ok not to marry the father of your child(ren), ladies. Just because you did the vertical limbo with someone and ended up pregnant does not make them marriage material. You’d be surprised how quickly people change once the lights come on and the real conversation starts to flow–and NO! “Baby does that feel good” does not count as real conversation. Be honest with yourself and your mate of why you actually decided to come together. Your honesty will avoid a lot of unnecessary confusion for you, them and your child(ren).
2. Are women so caught up in the idea of being married that they lose sight of waiting until the right person comes along and accept a marriage proposal from just anyone?
Traditionally as children, women are taught that their ultimate goal should be to marry Prince Charming, settle into their house with a white picket fence and have their 2.5 kids, all by the age of 30.
As our society continues to evolve with their family views, this concept is slowly changing. However, there are still a lot of traditionalists out there who want that fairy tale life. Unfortunately, this fairy tale begins to fade quickly as reality kicks in and women begin to look at themselves and ask the low self-esteem question, “So what’s wrong with me that I can’t find a husband?” In all fairness, you, yourself, may not actually be ready for marriage. You may just be caught up in a biological clock moment and think that you are. If your Mr. Right hasn’t come along at the ‘age’ you expect him to, just look at it as God’s way of continuing to prepare you for when he does come along!
Ladies, ladies, ladies…please stop putting this type of pressure on yourselves. If you are always going into a relationship with a set deadline of reaching a marriage goal because that’s what someone taught you years ago, then you are doing yourself a disservice. As the old saying goes, “Life is what happens while you’re making plans!” Don’t allow your ‘plans’ to get in the way of just enjoying life and going with the flow. The best relationships I’ve seen evolve have happened when two people went into them with absolutely no expectations. As long as you’re doing right in the universe, the universe will reward you accordingly! Forget what your mama, grandma, cousins, sisters and ’em say, DO YOU!
3. Do women value marriage more than men which causes them to over react at the first sign that someone remains interested in them past 90 days and they start to pursue the concept of marriage before the newness in the relationship wears off?
I honestly think that women are conditioned to want to be married more than men. I’m not sure exactly why, but it is what it is. Therefore, women may go into a relationship thinking hey he could be the one. While the man is thinking, hey she is the one when I’m on this side of town. Let me pause right there and say, I don’t think all men have multiple relationships and cheat. But while dating, I think men more often are the ones who leave their options open while women start to focus on one person creating friction in the dating relationship that could have been avoided. I also feel that dating does not mean committment! The committed relationship is something that needs to be verbally agreed upon by both parties. We all know the the first three letters in the word ASSume, right?
But again, this goes back to being honest with each other. Ladies, if your goal is to get married, then be honest with the person you are dating in the beginning. But, I’m not saying that on the first date you need to read off your bucket list and tell the man you want to get married at age 35 and 6 months and have children at age 36 and 8 months. For the love of God, please do NOT do that. Just go with the natural progression of the dating process and when the opportunity presents itself, tell them then. If you don’t get a return phone call after that conversation, just know God removed him out of your life before you had the opportunity to experience unnecessary heartbreak!
At the end of the day, if you value marriage make sure you understand WHY you value marriage. Also, make sure you are being honest with yourself at all times. Live your life and not the one that you were ‘conditioned’ to live.
Ladies, I challenge you to go into your next relationship with an open-mind and a free and clear heart. Don’t think about the pressure that maybe your family, society or your friends have put on you to get married. Or for that matter, don’t pressure yourself into thinking I’ll be x-age soon I have to make it over that broom! Just enjoy the moment as it comes and make the best out of it. It’s amazing how you start to enjoy the company of someone when you don’t put pressure on yourself. Live, Love, and Laugh it’s what the Master intended!
But always remember: “Don’t waste your time giving someone a second chance, when there’s someone better out there waiting for their first.”